Bruno

Discussion (7) ¬

1. 
   Kona

   June 28, 2017 at 1:04 pm | #

   Although I’m pretty solidly straight, with possibly a little wiggle room on the Kinsey scale, and I’ve seen and done enough in my life that I don’t have much of an “ick” reflex left, I can’t decide if I’d be more upset that Judi used to be a man or that she didn’t have the honesty or trust to tell me.
2. 
   Regulus

   June 28, 2017 at 8:10 pm | #

   Why would she have to tell you?
3. 
   Peter Rogan

   June 28, 2017 at 10:35 pm | #

   These things are subject to a sort of Turing test: If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck… why should you care if it used to be a goose?

   This presumption that there’s an underlying ‘authenticity’ all those trans or in some other way not what started out being need to validate for your sense of well-being is tiresome prejudice looking for justification.
4. 
   Christopher

   June 29, 2017 at 12:51 am | #

   @Kona, basically what Peter said. A trans M-to-F is a woman. If they choose to tell you one day that they were born with male body parts, that is their choice.
5. 
   Kona

   June 29, 2017 at 9:36 am | #

   Okay, I’m glad everybody else is on board with whatever-floats-your-boat. I’ve tried to make it clear that I’m really pretty open minded. I just think that having sex with someone is important enough that I’d like the respect of my partner being upfront with me about his/her DNA just in case it matters to me. Which, by the time we’ve gotten that far in our relationship, it probably wouldn’t. But maybe I’m being a neanderthal to think that having sex with someone is that important in a relationship.
6. 
   Christopher

   June 29, 2017 at 11:26 am | #

   Sorry, didn’t mean to rain down on you there, @Kona.

   I see this broken down into three parts:

   1. yeah, sex to a LOT of people can range from meaningful to meaningless. People having sex when they’ve just met is not uncommon, and people waiting for marriage to have sex occurs too.

   2. We all have our inner rules. And if you feel that betrays trust, then it is your right to leave that relationship. Of course.

   3. The trans issue is complex. It is important to realize that the feeling in the trans community is that if one is a “M to F” then they ARE a woman. Period. And so, to them, not telling you would NOT be a betrayal. It’s also important to realize they’ve received hate and judgement for being trans probably most of their life. It’s also important to realize that them revealing their identity is actually putting their life at risk. The murder rate of trans people is quite high:
   http://www.newsweek.com/transgender-murders-protect-trans-women-568558
   There are lots of books out there if you’re curious to learn more. Here’s a thread of recommendations.
   https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-best-books-to-educate-myself-about-transgender-people-and-transsexuality
7. 
   John

   June 29, 2017 at 11:36 am | #

   To add to Christopher’s links, “trans panic” is a real thing that people have used as an excuse for murdering trans people: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_panic_defense#Trans_panic

   Telling someone that you were born with male genitals might literally be a death sentence for a trans woman, so I can understand why it’s not something you’d be in a hurry to share.