Sometimes I feel this way when drawing or painting.
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I empathize.
My medium is stained glass. You can’t really know how a piece has turned out until you have leaded it and hold it up to the light…and then it’s too late to go back and change what you don’t like.
Anybody who has worked with a live audience — be it vaudeville, stage, stand-up or corporate meeting — has felt the same way. Not about the shtick, the act, the dialog, the jokes or the PowerPoint — the audience. The AUDIENCE will be BEATEN UP or BEATEN DOWN until it LOVES ME.
Hmm… should the audience matter? Can we have the stones to know within ourselves if the child of our minds and the muse is good enough? If we don’t love what we do, absolutely LOVE it, to the point of passion and madness, and dwell on it until it shines in the most perfect way, all for ourselves, for our art’s sake, then it matters little what the babbling crowd thinks; they are all just peasants anyway.
I must keep telling myself…